Iyanla fix my breathing

 I watched her show "Iyanla Fix my Life" and she was counseling a group of women known as the "Six Brown Chicks". This was a group of bloggers who came together for one woman's vision of uplifting other women. Ironically, they self-destructed due to the different personalities and personal agendas. Perfect breeding ground for chaos. Needless to say, Iyanla got down to the nitty gritty and "put the stank on da table"! Yup that's what I call it when you find out what's causing that smell and you expose it for all the funk it has caused right before you dispose of it properly to freshen the air. Several issues of misuse of power and greed were discussed but the one that broke me down was Iyanla's encounter with one of the women who was the sole caretaker of her husband as he battled cancer. She was doing it all alone and would lash out in her own way against anyone within reach. Iyanla told her that it was a choice to either trust someone to be there to support her or suffer. *sledgehammer to the gut*

I never in a billion years realized that choosing one cancelled out the other! Sheesh! *bent over trying to breathe*

I know I speak for alot of people...no wait...scratch that. I speak for myself. What I mean is I'm sure people can relate to what I mean when I say over the years of disappointment from people I consider trustworthy, I conditioned myself to be numb to the need for support. Numb and breathless. I tend to do real shallow breathing when I'm doing projects that could use a few people as a support system. I don't even realize I'm doing it...kind of doing it now *deep breath* When you get that one or two or twelve major disappointments that blind side you and knock the wind out of you, you do your best to protect yourself from that ever happening again. You become an enterprise within yourself. You're the CEO, the custodian, the mailroom clerk, the PR department, the social media manager, the cashier...I think you get the picture. Some may do this not because you have to but because you CHOOSE to..suffer..no trusting allowed. Someone else may or may not do something that could or could not possibly destroy your vison. Naturally, or unnaturally some may say, I chose to hold my breath and swan dive into a world that did not entertain depending on anyone. Not good. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, no time for self, luggage under your eyes, no social life. Yeah I'm admitting it. I"m suffering. I guess I didn't realize it because all of my work is done to help bridge the gap between a person's goals and achieving them. I don't regret anything that has been done to help.

After tonight's show, I have some serious thinking to do. Where do I go from here? I'm passionate about what I believe in. There will be no abandoning ship. I just have to figure out how to sail a healthier ship!

Smooches!

Respect the Sway!